Difficult days – everyone has one. Some times are harder than others –rainy days, anniversaries of funerals, graduations (because they mean that children are moving on to another milestone in their lives), even weddings can bring on a sense of loss and a feeling of emptiness.
And sometimes, we just feel sad and lost. Not every day is beautiful. But in meditation, we can take ourselves to a place where we can face our fears, our sorrow, our loneliness and let it go.
I prepare myself to share with you this journey. I bring out my favorite candle, tucked in my favorite holder. The holder is simple Himalayan salt holder, the candle is scented with vanilla. These are familiar things, beloved things.
I set my candle on my desk, between my keyboard and my computer screen, imagining that it is set between me and you – a focus for this journey that we share; this journey that all people share at one time and another.
I breathe. I let my breath steady me. I settle myself in my desk chair, and I think about my root chakra. I imagine that I sit on a stump in a clearing. A stump of a tree that sends its roots down deep into the soil, into the earth, into this great, huge spinning ball of clay and rock and water and air and magma and all the solid and liquid parts of it, just as it has been for thousands of years. It has not always been perfect. It has been battered by asteroids from space, it has seen millions of generations of living things upon its face – and it is still here. I can root myself into this solidity.
I move my attention to my sacral chakra – somewhere below the belly button, and a few inches in. My emotions are all over the place – they seem like drops of water skittering on a hot pan they are so scrambled. I imagine another disk, spinning above the first. Imagine it moving in synchronicity. In my mind’s eye, I see my skipping, scattered emotions as little children who are seat-belted in like little ones at an amusement park right. They are all there – the hurt, the fear, the anger, the loneliness – but now they are beginning to have to make room for other emotions, for other thoughts. They must take their place, but share the ride with happiness, precious memories of good times.
I breathe . . . and I find it hard because my eyes are watering and my nose is clogged with emotion.
I turn my thoughts to my solar plexus, the seat of self-confidence. Today, I feel so small, so lost…but I feel the strength feeding up through my root chakra, up through the scattered emotions that are beginning to steady and feel more secure. A teacher once said that we save the world one life at a time – and sometimes, the life that we save is our own. Today, I save my own life. I settle, I steady – and I reach out to you. Here, take my hand, Unknown Friend. Take my hand, and let us together save a life or two. Let’s make it better.
I turn my thoughts to the heart chakra. The heart – not quite what the ancients thought it to be. It is a giant muscle, an organ that pumps our life’s blood, exchanges oxygen and spent cells. Emotion certainly affects it. We speak of it as swelling with happiness or love. Mine is full today – the emotional heart. It is full of changes, and a need to understand. For we save the world one life at a time, and sometimes we do that by standing back and just plain not getting in the way. And sometimes we need to rush in and rescue, and hold close and keep the bad things away. It is hard to know the difference.
Above that is communication, the throat chakra. Without communication, it does not matter what we feel, what we give or how we care. Communication is the connection, the interweaving, the gift that can make a difference. We must learn to use our words. As babies, we grunt and point or cry and wail until we get our own way. I am not so sure that I am very far from that today – but I will try to use my words.
I breathe. The chakra centers spin. The kundalini energy spirals up from the root chakra through the others. I feel it glow. It reaches upward to the third eye – the chakra that centers on the pineal gland.
I feel the energy move up through my sinuses. I breathe more easily now. The third eye opens, and it sees. It sees that nothing happens that has not happened before, and yet each time it happens, it happens anew and all is changed.
Like a puppet on a string, the chakras fall into place, the spine aligns and the breath steadies. And from this humble self, spirit reaches upward and outward to That which is Bigger, to the Crown Chakra.
The storms of emotion are settled now. I let the words flow free, flow on by me, flow through me. I remember that spring rain makes the grass grow, makes the gardens produce. I remember that babies need cuddled and held, but teens need room to spread their wings. I remember that in the fullness of time, it will one day be their turn to watch their little ones soar out of the nest. I remember that words can make a difference, and so can prayers.
I give thanks for the good things – and perhaps, although this is harder, even for the bad things.
I end this journey of words. I walk back into the real world. I save my document – because I cannot share these words if they are lost. I blow out the candle, and breathe in the soft vanilla scent.
Within each of us is a landscape, a place of beauty. It is never more than a thought away. May you find yours, and walk always in its light.